Dear Allegro,

From Desperate Fugitive,

Help! My wife is going to marry a crazy man and she doesn’t even love him! I was banished from my city because I accidentally killed my wife’s cousin right after we got married because he killed my best friend who was the life of the party. I’ve been banished and my beautiful wife is hiding our marriage from her family by agreeing to marry a dumb suitor that is really clumsy and he obviously won’t make as good of a husband as me. Her father promised this man that he would marry my loving Juliet but then she married me instead and her father doesn’t know and I’m afraid of what will happen to her if she tells him about it before we run away from the city together. I don’t know how we will do it but I need your advice on what to do about Juliet getting married to another man and we aren’t even divorced!! Who does that! Anyway, I would really appreciate a reply so I can solve this wife situation.

Thanks, Confused Romeo.

 

Dear Allegro,

From freaked out wife

Please help me! Madly in love with this guy Romeo but he comes from a family that my parents absolutely hate. I don’t know what they have against this family but I’m so afraid that if they find out that I married him they will hate me and kick me out of their life or something. He killed my cousin Tybalt but he only killed him because he was kind of aggressive and he killed my Romeo’s best friend. I forgave him for killing Tybalt but then that stupid prince banished him!! Why wouldn’t he just like make Romeo pay a fine like really it’s kind of unnecessary. Anyway, my parents don’t know that I am already married so they are trying to make me marry this total doofus who thinks he’s really cool. His name is Paris and he thinks he is the best thing that ever happened to Verona and my dad loves him so much he wants me to marry Paris just so he can be part of the family! If he loves him so much he can marry Paris instead of me! Honestly, I would be cool with that just as long as I don’t have to because I really don’t love him. He is such a dummy, he is clumsy, he is really old like he is almost 10 years older than me! I just turned 14 and he is like 29! That’s really old and I don’t want to be seen in public with a husband who is old and dying while I am still remotely young. Most importantly I love Romeo too much to betray him like this I might just have to kill myself to get out of this situation. What if Romeo forgets about me while he is in Mantua? What if he moves on and finds another wife instead of me?

Anxiously awaiting your reply

Crazy Juliet